Daily Archives: March 22, 2014

Giving back a child.

I can’t even imagine a world where giving back a child is an option, but according to this article, not only is it an option, but it happens enough that there are whole organizations based on “secondary placements” when “adoptions [go] awry.”

You mean when a family gets a kid they don’t want? I’ve expressed more than once (Nature vs Nurture, Disney and Abandonment, and others) that I have a fear of being unchosen, but I always thought it was in my head; it was an unfounded fear that stemmed from the semi-perfectionist teachings that are thrust upon the women in my family, but not the males. I had no idea that such a thing actually happened!

And to use the experience of giving away a child as a way to gain favor to become foster parents is even worse! Oh I see here that you have experience giving children away once you’ve gotten them. Welcome to the foster care circus!

Giving back your kidsHaving read the article, I think there are 2 intrinsic problems with this situation: first of all, these people had kids of their own to begin with. There was no need for them to have another child, which brings us to the second problem: selfishness. They weren’t trying to bring a child into their lives because they needed him, or to help him out of a dangerous situation. They wanted to have a large family, Brangelina style, and were willing to bring an outsider in, one from Haiti.

First of all, there are lots of children in the United States that need loving homes. Adopting a child from Haiti, while generous, is a publicity stunt. It is a way to be the hip, cool people on your block by adding a refugee into the mix. The mother, Stacey Conner, is even quoted as saying “Having an instant multicultural family was magical…”

Giving back your kids
Stacey Connor, the woman who wants sympathy for giving away her child.

Because that’s the message you want people to get about you: You are so racist that you feel the need to point out how cool it is that you adopted a child (or in this case children, plural) outside of your own race.

Then, when the oldest boy, whom she only refers to as “J”, became difficult, she realized that she was in the wrong: “I was committing the worst maternal sin: I felt like I loved one child less than the others.” Had she killed the boy instead of just passing him onto another family, that statement would have been enough to convict her. It shows premeditation.

Now, I am in no way suggesting that giving away a child be compared to murder…

Wait, no, that may be exactly what I’m suggesting!

Continue reading Giving back a child.