Let’s start big and just put it all out there: I like to win. I think everyone does, but I don’t always play fair. I’m not afraid of the low blows, especially when I didn’t start the fight. Like Ender from Ender’s Game, I am a finisher. This came into brilliant focus the other day when I was having a friendly debate with a friend and things got a little heated.
I don’t think it’s as extreme as I lie or scream or cry or anything as intense as all that, but I have, perhaps, been known to stick a little barb in here and there. Just a small acknowledgement of a prior argument, one that’s already been brought to a close. You know, one of those little comments that pokes and prods at a sore spot on the mend, like peeling a scab.
I wasn’t even aware that I did it as often as I do, and I think the person with whom I was debating may be someone who sets me off a little more than most (it was the Boy). For some reason, our conversations, which can start out as simple as discussing plans to go to a movie, turn into verbal boxing matches. I don’t understand how he can send me into such a state of ire in such a short span of time!
Of course, it seems the feeling is mutual, and once he pointed out some of my more pointed barbs, I suppose I shouldn’t be so quick to point fingers.
That one must be by far my worst habit. It’s a learned behavior that I’m not proud of, but I think acknowledging it should now help me to overcome it.
Baby steps. Hopefully with the Boy’s help, I can eradicate this particular vice.
Among my other bad habits are things like texting and driving. It takes so long to get into the city from where I am now that I will sometimes even play Candy Crush while stuck in traffic. Generally not while the car is moving, but if I get stuck in a traffic jam and I’m at a full stop, I’ll play until the traffic moves again. I know it’s a really really bad habit. I would yell at my own child for doing it, and I warn my students against it, but sometimes it can’t be helped. Maybe the Candy Crush addiction is the real bad habit there.
I bite my nails sometimes. Not regularly or out of nervousness, but when one of my nails breaks, I will bite them all down to about the same length instead of taking the clippers to them. There’s something unpleasant about the way the clippers squeeze and bend my nail before they truly break it. I will file them afterwards, but once that first nail breaks, I can’t stand to have them all at different lengths and so I bite.
I’m pretty sure there have to be more, but those are the top three:
- I don’t fight fair in an argument.
- I play Candy Crush… while in traffic.
- I bite my nails sometimes.