The something I miss most isn’t a specific thing, or a specific person, but a situation and the feelings that came with it. Sometimes I talk about my “first attempt at college,” when I first went to McMurry University in Abilene, TX. I talk a little about the bad boys that I met there, or about the friends I made there. It was while at McMurry that I met that first really awful boy, the abusive one, but it was also while I was in Abilene that I met AJ, who gave me my most romantic (only romantic) Valentine’s Day.
I miss the person I was when I was there. I miss the freedom and self-confidence I had while I was there. I miss the innocence I had when I first got there. I miss the friends I made while there. I miss that whole part of my life!
When I first went to college, I was fearless. I was convinced that because I was at college, I could finally be who I wanted to be. I was in a new place, with no preconceived notions of who I was or what I was capable. I wasn’t just a band nerd or a theater freak or a GT (gifted and talented or honors) student. I was a new person. I could put forth any personality I wanted.
I didn’t have to hide how liberal my views were on dating and sexuality. And I didn’t have to tell anyone that I didn’t date in high school. I could pretend to know everything, and there was no one around to tell anyone otherwise. I could tell people I was a Samantha instead of a Charlotte, and no one would be the wiser.