It’s Spring Break, and it’s Saint Paddy’s Day. This time last year, I hated my job, I was displeased with the state of things with the Boy and looking into dating a new guy. I was convinced that I was making progress enough to start over with my life and avoid the depression.
Well, I was wrong. I wasn’t ready. I was still in flux.
This year, I like my job much better. Things are still not quite right with the Boy, but not in the same way at all. I’m not in the same apartment. I’m not in any apartment, actually. I’m staying with a friend while I find a place that I really really like and that is close enough to both work and my friends that I don’t give into the depression again.
One thing I learned from all the sadness and depression last year was that I need people in my life. I need to have friends around me. I’ve rearranged my life to a point where I’m mostly alone now. And, while I really like my new job, if I don’t get a social life going again, I’m going to fall prey to the same mess I was in last year.
And because I’m friends with the Boy again, I’m afraid I’m going to start blaming him. I need people in my life, and right now, there is only a very small handful of people that I interact with. The Boy takes up more time than most because he can talk to me throughout my day, like we used to in the very very beginning. And with the absence of any other people to really talk to, it means I am dependent on him, which is part of what caused our problems the first time around.
I got attached because he could be there for me. But he didn’t want to be there for me, and I didn’t understand that. He’s uncomfortable with that arrangement. With anybody.
But that’s all in the past. Now I know what I have to do in order to not fall into the same depths of despair like I did last year. I need to get my social life going again. I need to start dating again. I need to find people who treat me right and surround myself with those people, as opposed to the nasty boys that have been around as of late. No more liars, like Superman and the Artist. No more guys who only want me on their time table. I need to find equals. Be they friends or lovers, I need people who want to treat me as if I am their equal and not less than them.
I might accept being put on a pedestal for a bit. It would be nice to be worshiped a little…
I’m going to start by going with my Geeky friends to a Boondock Saints party for St. Patrick’s Day this evening at the Alamo Drafthouse.
If you’d like to read about where I was last year, in accordance with today’s Challenge, you can read it here: Time for Action!
One thing about last year at this time that I’d like to repeat, I’d like to have the Bangers and Mash again. I really do like Bangers and Mash from Sherlock’s Pub. Mmmm.
Hope everyone has a very Happy St. Patrick’s Day, otherwise known as Drink Yourself Stupid Day. Got your Green on?