Everyone thinks that teachers have this massive party all summer long, and oh how I wish that were true. To be honest, most of my summer so far has been attempting to sleep. My whole schedule is off, and I can already tell that it’s going to start affecting me in bad ways. I’ve been very anxious for the whole last week or so…
Then again, some of that might have to do with the pretty sizable catastrophes of the two weeks prior. Like having to move suddenly, and my bank account being hacked. Yeah, it’s been rough.
I’ve also been dating a bit. Mostly the same guy, though I’m starting to doubt whether or not it’s actually dating. He seems to be like the Boy in that he doesn’t want to date, just play. But that doesn’t seem right either.
Speaking of the Pirate, he’s going to be keeping me busy tonight, so I will not be at the chat tonight. However, do not despair, My good friend Kristen Thibodeaux will be hosting in my stead. I’ve sent her the questions I had in mind, and given her the freedom to make her own, if she’d like. I have the utmost confidence in her that she’s going to make tonight’s #JustAddTea one of the best one’s yet! So definitely go and check it out!
Meanwhile, the Pirate is coming over to my place for me to cook for him. Remember, he cooked the other day, and while the flavors were spot on, it was a little…hard to eat.
So, I’m not being too experimental (which is where I think his went a little sideways). I’m making my vodka cream sauce, which is a modified Rachael Ray recipe, and I’m adding chicken and portabella mushrooms.
I’m not sure if that should be with an “o” or an “a” because I actually bought the pre-sliced Baby Bella mushrooms, so I want to say “a,” but it seems my brother calls them Portabello… Who knows? Someone tell me the right way in the comments.
After dinner we’re going to see the new X-Men movie.
I’ve wanted to see it for a little while now; had wanted to see it opening weekend, but missed it, so I’m really excited to see it tonight!
I’m also a little nervous.
Not about the movie, that would be silly, but about the Pirate. I’m overworking my brain trying to figure out what it is that he is really after. For instance, he originally said on his Tinder profile that he was looking just for friends, but then he was flirty and touchy, like holding hands and suggestive comments flirty and touchy. Enough so that we got physical sooner than should have happened if he was truly only looking for friends.
The new therapist suggested that perhaps that’s what he said because he was afraid to put himself out there and be vulnerable by saying he wanted a relationship. Saying he’s looking for friends, means that if a relationship doesn’t develop, then he’s not really out anything. It’s the easy way out.
This makes sense to me.
It’s exactly what I thought the Boy was doing when he kept telling me he wanted to be just friends, because he, too, would give me mixed signals where his words and his actions didn’t match. Only, he would tell me things like he found me attractive and that he desired me, but then would absolutely toss me aside and treat me like garbage when I was no longer of use to him. There was lots of gaslighting going on there, and tons of manipulation, probably unintentional, and probably on both our parts as well.
I’ve done a lot of soul searching about that situation and really do not ever want to go back into that kind of situation.
Hence, the Pirate makes me a little nervous.
See, he says just friends, and then, like I said he was particularly flirty and kind of forward, but in a very shy, questioning, asking permission kind of way. I’m attracted to him, both physically and intellectually, so, permission granted!
He needn’t ask, and if he ever did something I didn’t like, I’d tell him! Just like I told him that it really bothers me that he rushes me in conversation by interrupting me and talking to me like I’m stupid.
Meanwhile, he tells me things like he gets excited by our conversations, and he wrote that poem thing that he posted on Instagram, the one I mentioned the other day about “Do we need each other?”
When he sits next to me, he always opens it up so we can cuddle and actually touch, and if we’re not, he touches me. Like when we were at the movies that first date and he poked me in the side like a little kid trying to get attention, or the last time we were at the movies, and he scratched my arm, like he might scratch the belly of a dog to show affection.
Yet, the last time we were together, he pointed out that he was sure I was getting too attached because I sent him a flirty text, saying I had been thinking about him while I was at the diner writing, and it made me blush. I added that it was totally his fault and asked what he planned to do about it…
He said he’d throw a smoke bomb and run. “Be careful what you desire…”
He told me the last time we were together that it was obvious that I had an emotional attachment, equated it to us being physically intimate. He said it right after I finished telling him that I thought it was horrible for girls to use sex to force guys into relationships. Mostly because it ruins things for those of us who can have sex without the emotional attachment.
He countered by saying he could prove I was emotionally attached… The thought never occurred to him that, no, I was trying to be cute and flirty to A) initiate possible sexy time, and B) to guesstimate what his feelings were towards me… Which was what my actual intention was.
I was NOT actually blushing in a restaurant. And the main reason why I was thinking about him was because I was, in fact, writing a blog post about him. Specifically about how much he confuses me with his damned mixed signals!
So, when I told him how much it bothers me that he interrupts me, I also told him that I don’t know what he thinks about me as a person at all. He told me that was an easy fix and he’d explain it to me later… hopefully today. Because if I don’t get a clear idea of what his intentions are soon, I’m going to have to cut him loose. I don’t want another situation like the Boy, or like the Bartender. Both of whom emotionally destroyed me because what they said and what they were doing didn’t match, and in the end I hated them both so much it made me into a person I don’t like.
And all of that was just to say that I won’t be there for tonight’s #JustAddTea party… Jeesh! Boys are so much more trouble than they’re worth!!
Anyway. Join Kristen tonight at 8 pm Central Time (9pm Eastern, 6 pm Pacific) on Twitter to discuss Summer Vacations. Bring pics! I chose this topic because I do want to go on a summer excursion of some sort this summer, but I need ideas!! I’ll post the questions on here tomorrow, for anyone who can’t make it, but it won’t be the same if you don’t go. We always have a blast, and I’m a little sad that I’m going to miss it!
Have fun! I can’t wait to read through the Tweets tomorrow!