Well hello, Coffee Share peeps! Come on in and grab you a cup of tea or coffee and curl up in the den with me as we catch up. It’s been entirely too long since I had an opportunity to sit down and talk with you all!
Would you like some milk or sugar?
If you’ve already read my not-so-quick explanation of why I’ve been gone, then you already know that my life is in a bit of flux again, but, while I am anxious about the change, I feel like it is going to be a positive change. There is a sense of relief and almost joy beneath the anxiety and the twinges of sadness.
The short version? I’m changing school districts and that is the biggest source of the anxiety. There’s the stress over creating new routines and meeting new people who won’t understand or even recognize that there is anything different about me until possibly too late. That’s the biggest stressor, actually…
But I am also slightly concerned because I haven’t actually signed my contract yet, but I still went ahead and turned in my letter of resignation this past week… which means that next week will be my last week (since I agreed to finish summer school) at my current school.
If I’m honest, I’ve already started considering it my old school.
The sadness comes from the feeling that I’m failing my kiddos by leaving, but I started having warning dreams about that place before last school year even started, and it just kept getting worse as the year went on. As it stands right now, I know of 8 (out of like 20) English teachers that are leaving or at least looking to leave the school. Two of us were ESL teachers, meaning that my ESL kiddos (who’ve had me for 2 years in a row), may not have an experienced teacher for next year.
That thought kills me inside because I do actually love my kids.
On the other hand, though, I couldn’t stay there. There was just too much inconsistency and controversy. I think staying would have eventually put my certification at risk because of things they were asking us to do.
Yes. It was THAT bad.
So, I decided to leave. I wrote my letter of resignation and submitted it dated 3 days before the last chance to get out of the district… even though I haven’t officially signed at the new school yet. The new district has given me an employee ID number, and an “intent to hire” letter, so I feel confident that I’m safe, but it is playing a bit of havoc with my anxiety. I’ve scheduled the date when I do go to sign my contract as well, so I think I’m okay.
In other news this week, I caught up with an old friend to do some awesome things for the Solstice! We went to a talk about Wonder in the morning and hung out just us for a while, sharing about our love lives (or lack thereof, really). Then, in the evening, we had a picnic with her kids at Miller Outdoor Theatre to watch the symphony under the stars.
The Creative Mornings talk in the morning was really helpful for restoring my faith in myself and people in general. There were three key things (in my opinion) that the guy said:
- “Gratitude is the gateway to wonder.”
- People are “treasure chests of wonder.”
- It’s only when you begin to ask why and how that you can find the wonder in the everyday.
As an English teacher, I’m forever trying to get my students to understand the “why” of what we’re reading. Why did the author write it that way? Why does the character do certain things? How does the story teach us about being a person?
The speaker helped me to realize that that why and how is what helps me to find a sense of awe and wonder in what I’m reading or watching. It helps me to find the things that connect us in spite of our differences and our labels. That alone was worth the drive into downtown.
The rest of the week was just summer school stuff. And being lazy.
I have to stop being lazy.
My goal for next week is to get more organized and to get back to the gym! I need to get back onto my diet, and back into some sort of routine, even though I’ll be on summer break after this week.
But that’s basically it for me. I definitely could use some positive vibes, and I’m super curious about how things are going in your life! See you around the coffee share!